Preparing for a Coaching Conversation
Managers recognise that preparing for a conversation with another person, especially one where the discussion needs to cover unacceptable behaviour or poor performance, is one of the important elements to ensure a positive outcome. Yet managers also acknowledge this is one area they often don’t do as well as they should.
The following is a step-by-step approach to having an effective conversation with another person.
The acronym IGROW is used to help you remember the steps in the process. Use the steps before and during an actual conversation, to guide you through the meeting.
Issues
Goals
Reality
Options
What's Next?
Identify the Issues and Purpose of the Meeting
Open with a positive purpose and prepare what your first few words will be to open the discussion. Consider what questions you will ask and genuinely seek to understand the other person by listening and asking questions.
It is often useful to start this segment of the conversation with a question. State the problem. “Jim, what is your view of what happened during that argument in the staff meeting yesterday?”
After you listen to the explanation, clearly state what you feel is the problem.Define the gap between the person’s actual behaviour or actions and the preferred behaviour or actions.You need to provide specific facts and examples so the person knows exactly what they have done that is not acceptable.
Let the person respond and genuinely listen.That means you have to suspend your own judgements and assumptions at this time.Probe what they say, asking them to elaborate and expand their views until they have fully recounted their side.Avoid “You” such as “You are causing everyone a lot of stress!” or “You are the only one who isn’t a team player in this section”, as these may create the feeling that you are putting a psychological finger in their chest.
Understand their side of the situation
Ask open-ended questions of the other person to find out their understanding, reasons and opinions of the problem.
Explore and listen to the reasons for the problem and the gap between their actions and their behaviours.
Show you’ve heard and understood by reflecting back your understanding of their views, position and feelings.
Goals: Define the Goals and the Gap
Clearly state your position, define the gap and the actions needed.
Establish what you both want to happen as a result of the conversation.Clarify both your expectations and the required actions to bridge the gap. Be very specific at this stage and provide concrete examples; “In our last two meetings you arrived over 10 minutes late to each meeting.”
If the discussion gets heated.
It is always important to remain rational and not get defensive. Take responsibility for any mistakes that you have made. However, if the discussion becomes heated, it is vital to stay calm.Go back to asking questions. It is also useful to ‘agree to disagree’, in other words, one person doesn’t have to be right and the other person wrong.
Call TimeoutIf a person is saying things that are inappropriate or in a derogatory tone, another tactic is to call off the discussion at that time and say that you want a ten minute, one hour or even 24 hour break to think things over.
Options: Explore Options that Solve the Problem
Brainstorm Brainstorm the various options that are possible to achieve the desired behaviour and/or outcomes. Ask the person what options they think are available and build on their ideas rather than rush in with yours right at the start, then suggest or ask about what they think of additional options you have considered.
Avoid Satisfying When the first option that is explored that satisfies both people is accepted. During difficult discussions keep exploring all options and then go back and explore the one that is best suited for all parties.
Agree on Actions Agree on specific actions and times that things will be done or behaviour changed. Agree on who will do what. This is the time to ask a lot of ‘what if’ questions:
“What if you try to do this and that happens? What will you do then?”
“What will we do if you don’t have it complete by the 15th Oct like we’ve agreed?”
“What if she doesn’t go along with this?”
What Next?: Summarise and Agree on Follow-up
Agree what follow up actions will occur and when.
Determine who will be responsible to follow-up these actions and when.
Set out the consequences of what will happen if no change
Express confidence that the agreed changes will lead to successful outcomes and a positive relationship between you and this person and between this person and others on the team.
As the conversation comes to a close, summarise what was agreed. It is useful to have the other person do this so that you can see how accurately they remember their important actions. Send an email to confirm what was agreed upon. It is best that you do this so that the email can include the important things that were agreed upon and it is articulated in the way you want it to be stated.
